"Doctor, doctor, my wife thinks she's a duck."
"You better bring her in to see me straight away."
"I can't do that - she's already flown south for the winter."
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Duck Hunting
Two men from (name your least favorite southern state) went duck-hunting with their dogs but without success. "I know what we're doing wrong," said the first one. "What's that then?" asked the second. "We're not throwing the dogs high enough!"
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Circus Duck
A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of lager and a ham sandwich. The landlord looks at him and says, "But you're a duck!"
"Your eyes work", replies the duck, wryly.
"And you talk!" exclaims the landlord.
"And your ears", says the duck. "Now can I have my beer and my sandwich please?".
"Certainly", says the landlord, "sorry about that... it's just we don't get many ducks in this pub. What are you doing round this way?".
"I'm working on the building site across the road", explains the duck.
The landlord watches, astounded, as the duck drinks his beer, eats his sandwich and leaves.
The duck visits regularly for 2 weeks. Then one day the circus comes to town.
The owner of the circus comes into the pub and the landlord says to him, "You're with the circus aren't you?, I know this duck that would be just brilliant in your circus - he talks, drinks beer and everything!".
"Sounds marvelous", says the owner, "get him to give me a call".
So the next day when the duck comes into the pub the landlord says,
"Hey Mr. Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money!".
"Yeah?", says the duck, "Sounds great, where is it?".
"At the circus", says the landlord.
"The circus?", the duck inquires, a bit bemused.
"That's right", replies the landlord.
"What, the place with the big tent?. Big canvas roof, hole in the middle, loads of animals?", asks the duck.
"That's right!", says the landlord.
The duck looks confused. "Why would they want a bricklayer?"
"Your eyes work", replies the duck, wryly.
"And you talk!" exclaims the landlord.
"And your ears", says the duck. "Now can I have my beer and my sandwich please?".
"Certainly", says the landlord, "sorry about that... it's just we don't get many ducks in this pub. What are you doing round this way?".
"I'm working on the building site across the road", explains the duck.
The landlord watches, astounded, as the duck drinks his beer, eats his sandwich and leaves.
The duck visits regularly for 2 weeks. Then one day the circus comes to town.
The owner of the circus comes into the pub and the landlord says to him, "You're with the circus aren't you?, I know this duck that would be just brilliant in your circus - he talks, drinks beer and everything!".
"Sounds marvelous", says the owner, "get him to give me a call".
So the next day when the duck comes into the pub the landlord says,
"Hey Mr. Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money!".
"Yeah?", says the duck, "Sounds great, where is it?".
"At the circus", says the landlord.
"The circus?", the duck inquires, a bit bemused.
"That's right", replies the landlord.
"What, the place with the big tent?. Big canvas roof, hole in the middle, loads of animals?", asks the duck.
"That's right!", says the landlord.
The duck looks confused. "Why would they want a bricklayer?"
Monday, July 28, 2008
Duck Duck Goose
A large group of ducks gather in a circle. One duck stood up and walked around the circle patting every duck on the head chanting duck, duck, duck, GOOSE! The one that was patted on the head last started to cry. All the other ducks asked why? The tearful waterfowl replied, "It's true!"
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
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